Sunday, January 30, 2011

Social Anxiety

I feel so stupid. I wish I could change this about myself. Why is it so hard for me to approach someone and just say "hello".

Last week I "attempted" to attend a Parent Coffee Hour for the EFMP (explained in this post), outside the Starbucks on base. I went last month and met 3 other women who were there, one of which I expected to see again this month. Well, she wasn't there.
I thought I recognized one of the women that was at last month's meeting, sitting at a table talking with a 2 other people. But I wasn't totally sure if it was her or not.
So, after Booboo and I went inside Starbucks to get me a iced coffee and him a large piece of chocolate chip banana bread (so good), I decided to sit at a empty table next to them.
I was really hoping the woman would remember me or Booboo and invite us over to their table. But that didn't happen. So I kept waiting, for a break in the conversation where I could go over and ask if they were there for the Coffee Hour. But I couldn't seem to make myself go over to the table.
And the longer I sat there the more stupid I felt for not walking up to them in the first place...
After about 45 minutes, Booboo was long done with his banana bread and getting restless, my coffee was gone, so I just gave up and left. I wasted my time, my money (I wouldn't have gone into Starbucks otherwise) and made myself feel really stupid in the process... 

I was so proud of myself last month because I did actually go up to complete strangers, asked if they were there for the Coffee Hour and introduced myself. But I couldn't do it this time... Once I sat down, I just became glued to my chair.

I am horrible at meeting new people. I always have been. I get this anxiety in social situations with new people. It is nearly impossible for me to strike up a conversation with a stranger.
Why should it be so hard to go up to someone and introduce myself?

One of the many trials with the Military Life is that we move every few years and leave friends behind. It's not that I wont keep in touch, but everyone needs friends who are local as well. I need to be able to make friends easily because they are constantly coming and going in my life. But as much as I try, I'm just not that person. I wish I could be... I wish it was easier for me...



  1. As an ex-military wife of 15 years and a military brat my whole life, would you believe me if I told you it does get easier? With age comes indifference. I used to be shy. Now I'll walk up to pretty much anybody. Sometimes I feel stupid, but mostly, I feel like there's something to gain. Don't take this as a failure. It was an attempt. That's a success no matter how you look at it.

  2. I'm the same way, but as Sandra said, when you get older it does seem to get easier.

    There is always next time ;)

  3. I have always been that way. I work retail which means I have to force myself to do it.

  4. Don't feel stupid. You are ok. I have social anxiety too. I understand. Next time you will do better. Take it one day at a time. I don't think it was waisted time or money. You have to put yourself in those situations to deal better with them with time. The last thing you want to do is stay home and hide.

  5. It is so hard to walk up to people, isn't it!? I've even had moms start a conversation with me, and I've wanted to ask for their phone number because they've seemed so nice. It would be great to get to know them better. But I just slink away, regretting I didn't say something the whole way home.

    I've started taking a deep breath and just going for it. Who cares if I embarrass myself? But this must be what it's like to be a teenage boy asking a girl out for the first time. Making new friends is a lot like dating!

  6. You got yourself out of the house and attempted to attend a social event. Sometimes I feel like that's the hardest part. Be proud of yourself for making the effort.

  7. For me it all depends on my mood. Some days I am outgoing and social, other days very shy and reserved. It frustrates me too. I wish I had the magic button for you (and me!).

  8. I really feel for you from reading this post. You remind me of my daughter. Speaking from a 55 year old I can tell you that it does get easier but that doesn't help you does it? LOL
    This is what helped me as I use to feel this way too. I just decided to kind of plug into an extrovert battery and always kept in mind this situation was temporary and put myself out there.
    Also knowing that you really can't control how others think of you so go into the situation and please yourself. If you'd introduced yourself and they weren't the right people they would not have thought anything of it.
    Hope that helps.
    I like your blog hop. That is what led me here but I wanted to leave you a quality comment as well.
    Here is my link if you want to come visit.


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